1st Love = 1st Heartbreak

No. This trick won't work. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?

- Albert Einstein -

"First love never dies" that's what most people said, well in my case, first love did DIE and it rests in peace. Well let me lead you to where it all began...

1st grade on senior high school, I was 15 and I just lost my beloved dad. The Almighty took him away from me, and it brought the biggest impact in my family. Mom stressed down for years, my big brother lived in another city 'til he finished his college, and me.. I was having trouble playing a double life.. I was forced to be a tough daughter who never showed my pain of losing my dad.. so that I could consoled and comforted  my emaciated 'dying' mother.. I never really had the time to grieve. I really didn't want my mom to see me breakdown. So I did my best to held my head up high and pull the nerves in my face to form a smile.. but on the inside, I was dying too.

Then this guy named "L.B" came to me, offering a lil attention that I really need at that time. We started talking via email on my senior high school's mailing list, the conversation grew more and more interesting (I remember our first topic was about capoeira). Then we decided to meet for real. He was an alumni of my school, 5 years older than me. He was tall, broad-shouldered and white (ow gosh.. apparently I always fall for white guys LOL) and he's chubby too, just like me ^_^

To had him in my life was like a miracle.. like he gave me a helping hand to push me further from my sadness.

We couldn't hide the fact that we're interested into each other, so after a few dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend, it was on 16th March 2003, and I said YES. He was working as a receptionist in an apartment and his side job was a computer instructor at my school (in case if you're wondering... yes I always have best scores on computer subject haha). We really had good times together at the beginning. What so great about him was.. he taught me a lot about computers, softwares, gadgets, internet..etc.. which is very good for me because I never get nervous on handling computers, I could fix some problems with computers, I could install some softwares by myself, and I never feel afraid to plug in or plug out computer's cables.. (you know.. some girls really don't know how to use computer beside chatting and facebook-ing and sorry to say.. some of them don't even know how to make email account or website).. well I'm not a computer geek, and not an expert too but at least I know the basic, and I thank him for teaching me this stuff.

He's a family guy too, it was really nice of him to introduced me to his family. I love his family, they were super nice, I hung out with his mom, sisters and cute niece pretty often. He made me feel welcome in his family. 

But of course nobody's perfect. He's not a romantic type who showered me with sugarcoated words.. he never held my hands when we walk together, yet he still gave me cute presents such as : flowers, a silver necklace & earrings, also a huge pig doll ^_^ and he introduced me to his bestfriends too, it made me feel like he's proud having me as his girl. 

He was my first kiss too, I was 16 at that time, and really had no idea how to kiss -LOL-, but he taught me well on this too. After that, I always laughed seeing my lips on the mirror. It was a weird mixing feeling I had : fun, passionate, sweet, don't-know-what-to-do-next kinda feeling ^_^ 

I thought everything went well. We dated for 2 years until I found out that he's been cheating on me with he's colleague from the apartment. We had a huge fight and took a break for 2 days and got back together again, I forgave him, since he promised me to not ever do that again. But you know.. getting back together with someone who betrayed your trust was like eating an expired food.. it tasted sucks! I became more and more suspicious, a lil over protective, always misgiving to what he did, where he was at and with whom he was.. until I found it AGAIN that yes he was still with her, he couldn't choose, he said he didn't want to break up with me but he couldn't leave her too because she's having a cervical cancer and he felt like he's responsible to take a good care of her and protect her (oh crap..!! what kind of reason was that??!!! should I be 'dying' or having a severe disease so I could beg him to never leave me too?! geez..).

He was my first love, the first man I ever loved truthfully. He's also the first man who broke my fragile heart. I was so down when I knew he shared his love with other woman (who's much older than me, more settled, slimmer, whiter and wiser). I remember when I cried on the floor of my living room, begging him to stay and choose me. My heart felt 10 times worse the pain than I felt when my puppy love moved to another city & left me (never knew that it could go even worse on the next guy)

But then.. I gave him some times to think and he chose me over her.. and I stupidly gave him another chance. Until he found out I was cheating (haha..) yeah.. it's not for a revenge.. it just happened. I lost the fire with him and found a new flame in another guy.. which leaded me to another big mistake I've done on the next chapter of my life.

Years have gone by.. after a terrible broke up with L.B, because I chose the new guy over him, we lost contacts. And somehow we started to communicate again through facebook on 2008 until today, but of course we both grown so much now and we moved on. He's someone's husband now, he's a dad too and so glad to know that he married a good woman (one of his bestfriend whom I also knew..) not that b***h from the apartment -LOL-. Glad to have the chance to talk with him again with clear minds and forgave each other for what happened in the past. He was my first love. And my love to him died peacefully a long time ago. But we finally manage to be good to each other. Should I call him "friend"?! I don't know.. For sure.. he is someone from my past.

xoxo